Truth be told, this time last year I was on the brink of a total breakdown. Home life was a bit tenuous. My husband was working long hours. I had a really difficult client at work, a strange virus was running through our house (covid?), and it was St. Patrick’s Day season.
Now I know, for most, St. Patrick’s Day is a day, not a season. However, if you live in Chicago, and you happen to have an Irish dancer in the family, it is the busiest season of them all. Dozens of performances, and multiple parades on top of normal classes and rehearsals. There are days where my daughter has a dozen performances all across town in one, twelve-hour period. She loves it, and I love watching her perform, but I do not do well with getting in and out of the car, over and over. It is draining! Mind you I still had a full-time job to juggle in between my taxi services.
Not to mention, she still had basketball twice a week, ballet four times a week, my son’s soccer season was starting, and of course they had the usual birthday parties and other social engagements on the weekends as well.
The avalanche of activities and responsibilities was barreling down after me, and I was about to be buried alive. I was silently praying for the whole world around me to just stop, so that I could slow down and catch my breath.
Then low and behold, school sent the kids home for a few days. No need to commute to and from school, to pack lunches, or help with homework. -Inhale. On March 9th, my daughter had a final Irish dance performance at the United Center, and then the remainder of the St. Patrick’s Day performances were cancelled. -Exhale. School and basketball were all put on hold, for what we thought would be two weeks. -Deep breath in. Ballet and soccer moved to a virtual format. -Deep breath out. This was the miracle I had been praying for.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not happy the world suffered, and continues to suffer a devastating pandemic. I lost friends my own age, and many acquaintances. I had the disappointment and frustration of having to cancel a few girls weekends I had longed for, and the family adventure to Peru, that I had meticulously planned for spring break. And then, on April 7th, I lost my job like so many others. But the methods of containment; social distancing, stay-at-home orders, moving everything to virtual, may have literally saved my sanity.
As those two initial weeks came to an end, my heart started to palpitate, my head ached, panic set in. I hadn’t fully recuperated, and I wasn’t ready to go “back to normal.”
Before you know it, those two weeks became twelve months, and I have appreciated every extra moment with my family that I wouldn’t have otherwise had. My husband was working from home as well, and the quality time together was curative. We had the best summer biking on uncrowded streets, and swimming at deserted beaches. Yes, the pandemic was isolating. Yes, remote learning was a challenge. Yes, we missed our friends and freedom, but in many ways we have also been happier and healthier than ever. The threat of burn-out, not only for myself, but for the kids was for real.
We are now gearing up to go back to school. My husband has been fully vaccinated and will soon go back to the office, increasing his hours with the commute alone. Activities that had gone virtual are once again in person.
The world is speeding up again. How do I keep a snowball that I can hold in my hand, from gathering up more and more snow, plowing down a hill, and flattening me? I am certain I am not the only parent asking themselves this.
I don’t have the answers, but I do have some ideas.
- We all need to get better at asking for and accepting help. A lot of my stress last year could have been resolved by car pools alone. I read a great quote recently that said, “Depression is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign that you have been strong for too long.” If you get back in the post-pandemic water and start to drown, don’t wait until the water is above your head to call for help. Asking for help also pertains to the kids. This extra time at home is a perfect opportunity to teach the kids how to do more chores around the house.
- From what I have observed, it is us moms (for the most part) that are the keepers of the calendar, the planners of the playtime. It is mentally exhausting! We take on this role simply because we know where to go. My husband does not get a weekly newsletter, (not even mine), informing him of camps or events. He hasn’t the foggiest idea where to find egg hunts for Easter, or great take-out deals from local restaurants. However, that is about to change, and I suggest we all sign our spouses up to an e-newsletter. It doesn’t have to be mine, but it would make it easier for them to pitch in and take on more of the “cruise director” responsibilities.
- On a similar note, I spend an excessive amount of time scouring through newsletters, websites, and social media looking for the best places to go and things to see, in and around the city. I’ve done this to the point that turning my hobby into my job and sharing the results of my labor, via Macaroni Kid, was the best time management solution. Two birds, one stone. Again, it doesn’t have to be Macaroni Kid, but find one or two free resources, like mine, that you trust to consolidate all the information that’s out there, and make great recommendations. This way you can spend less time on your phone without suffering from FOMO or missed deadlines.
- Take this opportunity to re-evaluate and reset boundaries. I used to insist upon activity-free Sundays, but then my son made it onto a travel team. We didn’t find the downtime, we were giving up, elsewhere. We just kept adding activities without replacing or removing any. Use this lull in activity as an “elimination diet.” Reintroduce activities slowly, test the waters, and see if there are any that you might be able to eliminate under the radar. It is easier to avoid adding things back in, then it is to subtract them once they are underway.
- Zoom, Facetime, Skype, Google Meet, etc. were new discoveries for many of us, and while we may have all suffered a little “Zoom fatigue”, don’t let that take away from the utility of these tools. The ability to connect, visually, with multiple people at once was invaluable at a time when we could not gather in person, but it was also a huge time saver for those of us with family and friends all over the country. More time = less stress. Bottom line.
I wish you a wonderful, and well-balanced, re-entry into the post pandemic world.
