It can be hard to talk with a tween about puberty, sexual or mental health, and other issues relating to bodies. After all, many of our parents found it challenging, too, and some considered it unimportant. Many parents never learned how to discuss—without secrecy, embarrassment, or worse, shame—what it means to turn into a teen.
It can be different for you! Here, Turning Teen will assure you – and the tween you love – have the information you need to understand puberty and get the conversation started.
 |
Take it On Early
There is no ‘right’ time to discuss puberty when each child experiences it differently and at different times. But what isn’t different is that they’re going to experience it – puberty happens to everyone!
Yet, there are some parameters:
FEMALES:
- 8 is great!
- Puberty generally starts between 8-12 years old.
- Signs include breast buds, pubic hair, body hair and then menstruation.
MALES:
- Puberty generally starts after 10 years old, and sometimes not until high school!
- Signs include testicular enlargement, pubic hair, voice changes and body hair.
EVERYONE will start to sweat, smell, experience growth spurts and emotional turmoil.
Kids are inherently curious about their bodies so taking on the puberty conversation early will be welcomed, even if it’s uncomfortable. It is best not to consider it a single “talk.” Start talking early about body parts (proper anatomical names, please), how females and males look and operate differently, how puberty will come when it’s ready, and how it will affect bodies and brains.
The “talk” can be broken down, consider them chats that will build a comfort and trust between a tween and a trusted adult.
Certainly, be sure to talk about respecting all bodies and each other. For females, it’s almost never too early to give a tween girl the comfort she’ll find in understanding periods and in being prepared with knowledge and supplies (backpack period packs are a tween must-have). Remember, if they aren’t going through all the stages yet, their bestie might be.
These are big topics and best sprinkled into comfortable, safe conversations that will inspire questions, will minimize uncertainty and will build trust and confidence.
 |
Be Picky With Your Resources
If you’re not already fearing what your kids might learn online and from their friends, now is the time. Tweens have incredible curiosity and have a growing exposure to online resources.
And even if you’ve got your tween locked down online, there are kids all around them with internet access, older siblings and information – sometimes accurate and sometimes not.
Find resources with accurate, age-appropriate content for you and your tween. Turning Teen is a great place to start, as it was born for this purpose: starting the conversation about puberty and sexual health with pediatrician-developed educational programs in classrooms, community settings, or at home.
The internet can be very detrimental to tweens as they explore videos, user-generated content on social media platforms, and even pornography, whether they view it intentionally or not.
Pick resources carefully with great consideration, and make yourself your tween’s primary source by being available, willing and non-judgemental in these conversations and with questions.
As a complement to Turning Teen programs – Body Basics for Girls and Body Basics for Boys, among a host of others that tackle body care, body image, skincare and managing emotions – Turning Teen-approved resources include:
 |
It is “Uh? Or “Duh!”
Tweens will ask questions. Many still maintain the curiosity of their youth and have not yet become so self-aware that they’re embarrassed. There isn’t a perfect answer to every question because you will (hopefully) get many.
But this question has a right answer: What should I say when they ask me about puberty?
The right answer is whatever you know that answers the question honestly. Take a deep breath, pause, process, answer the question that was asked, and then let the next question drive the conversation.
Also, it’s OK not to know the answers to questions about puberty, bodies or sex… or anything. If you’re asked a question you don’t know the answer to, assure your tween you will get back to them and do your homework.
Explore Turning Teen and other trusted resources, including books and podcasts. Turning Teen’s Dr. Lisa Klein co-authored Celebrate Your Body 2, a puberty guide from females ages 10-18.
It is very important to get back to any questions asked to avoid feelings of shame, and to ensure your tween knows you are not ignoring the issue. Take their curiosity seriously, and consider learning together once you have found trusted resources.
 |
Keep it Coming
Don’t let the puberty conversation become one and done. If your tween continues asking questions as their body – and moods! – change, consider yourself lucky and engage with them. If your tween seems to shut down or become embarrassed, be on the lookout for times when a comfortable opportunity arises to explore body and puberty talk. Conversations like this one often happen in the car when tweens don’t have to look directly at you, or they happen when relaxing in a safe, comfortable space together.
There are so many visual changes for females and males, so tweens will become more self-aware of their own changes and those they see in their friends. Be sure to revisit the conversation about differences – different people, different bodies, different pace and timing for puberty.
Once puberty is underway, conversation often shifts to body care. Turning Teen Body Care for Girls teaches how to manage everything from bras to body hair, periods and period care, and self-respect. Turning Teen’s Body Image course for males and females taps into diet culture, body neutrality, social media messaging and body image vs. self image.
Of course no tween (or adult) will actually understand the emotional turmoil experienced during this developmental shift. Turning Teen’s Mind Over Mood: Managing T(w)een Emotions helps trusted adults and tweens/teens understand and normalize emotions, differentiate between worry and anxiety, learn how the brain works and more.
Creating an open dialogue around emotional well-being with a tween can be challenging, but when you’re armed with resources, it can also be the most rewarding and confidence-building for both you and your tween/teen.
 |
Turning Teen Is Here For You
Turning Teen starts the conversation about puberty and sexual health with pediatrician-developed educational programs in classrooms, community settings, or at home. Staffed by medical and mental-health professionals and parents, Turning Teen guides comfortable, fact-based, personal conversations between parents or trusted adults and children about changing bodies.
With decades of combined experience in child growth and development, Turning Teen helps families and communities make difficult topics and challenging phases of life easier, more comfortable, and even fun to talk about. In-person events are hosted in Detroit, Dallas/Forth Worth, San Diego, Chicago, Kansas City, and the surrounding suburbs in these cities, as well as central Florida.
Explore Turning Teen online (yes, you can do this in the comfort of your own home!) and in-person programming on the Turning Teen website, and follow on Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn.
Conversations about sexual health are vital to a child’s healthy growth and development. Direct, comprehensive and honest information about puberty, sexuality, social pressures, and mental health empowers tweens to become more self-assured teens.
You now know how to discuss the P word, so you’re well on the way to helping build your own self-assured teen. And, yes, it will still feel awkward, but also rewarding.
